WARNING: Images in the mirror may be distorted by socially constructed ideas of beauty.
This notice is pasted on every mirror in my apartment, not as a reminder of what beauty is, but what it is not. We have developed ideas of beauty that include unattainable standards of appearance. These notions are then forced on us. That is partially why nothing I ever do to my body or appearance will ever be quite good enough. My biceps are pretty good, but they could be better. My six pack is noticeably there, but it could be better. My marathon times have won my age division, but they could be faster. My lack of satisfaction at my achievements and control over my physical body are objectively irrational, but I cannot help that they are not good enough. I understand how irrational they are, but that does not make them any easier to face when you cannot stop thinking and believing them.
I have experienced the full spectrum of weight. I have been obese and I have been emaciated. No body type has made me happy. I still am trapped by the thoughts I first experienced during obesity, despite my toothpick thin appearance. I no longer have control over objectivity when it comes to evaluating my appearance. I am powerless over the judgment I pass on my appearance. As a result, I exercise and diet past the point of what is healthy, slowly breaking myself down trying to achieve the unattainable. I see myself in such a skewed perspective that other people judging my appearance see me as unhealthy and too skinny to the point that it is unsightly and unattractive.
Part of the problem that is apparent to me, but maybe not realized by many is the attribution of physical characteristics to a person’s identity. My acquaintances and friends know me as being exceptionally in shape and ripped, but to me, that feels like an identity that I have become trapped within. The pressure to maintain such a body constantly weighs on me. I feel that my worth, both to myself, and others is tied to my external appearance. If I gained weight and lost the six-pack, I would cease to be me. My friends would be disappointed, and the psychological distress I would feel would be so great that I have to keep pushing and starving myself. I have to kill myself with exercise, because if that kills me, at least I died in bettering my body and striving for the ideal that I will never reach.
To overcome this, I have to constantly remind myself that my thoughts are not objective and are indeed flawed. I must remind myself that I am not defined by my physical appearance. I have open dialogues with my friends and ask them to evaluate things for me objectively, and I trust them when my inner thoughts disagree with their evaluations. The discussion of eating disorders and body dismorphia in general is not an open one, but to effectively assist the many people struggling with their body image, it must become so. We need to realize how skewed our culture is when presenting beauty that should be emulated. People affected with these psychological difficulties need to hear objective evaluations, typically not for reassurance, but because we legitimately cannot make objective evaluations. We need to be honest with each other regarding unhealthy habits. On a college campus, far more people struggle with this than most realize. Any environment in which young people compete and feel pressured to appear a certain way fosters the magnifications of previous insecurities. The most effective way to combat this and assist others is to be objective with others, do not attribute identity to physical appearances, and have open dialogues about unhealthy behaviors. If you are going through this, things will get better, and people will never judge you as harshly as you judge yourself. If you have not experienced this, then I assure you that you know people that are, so please be kind and supportive.
Compliment and be honest, but above all try to understand and do not make a person struggling feel like they are odd or alone.
– ’15 OU Alumnus
Open Heart, Open Mind 